Infertility From His Perspective

Here it is friends! The highly requested interview with my husband, Josh! If you have been following along you know my perspective of infertility very well! Well, I finally got Josh to sit down with me and answer a few of your questions! Such a unique view from his perspective. Without further ado, Let’s jump into the interview!

What were your main struggles during IVF?

Wow, a tough question right out of the gates! I would say my main struggle during this entire process has been fear. At first, it was the fear of the unknown. Why are we struggling to get pregnant? Why isn’t this as easy for us as it has been for our friends? And why do we not have answers?

Once we found out that is was male factor infertility my fear grew even more. I have the most amazing wife in the world and suddenly my biggest fear in life was if I would be able to give her a child and watch her become an amazing mother. Fear dominated my emotions as I just didn’t know what to do and what the future held for us.

Once the process began the fear continued. Would my procedure be successful? How many eggs would we be able to retrieve during Sydney’s procedure? Would they fertilize and would they make it to the freeze? Then it was the fear of if the first transfer would work.

Throughout the process, I also wanted to remain strong for Sydney. She wants to be a mother so badly and I wanted to be that rock for her as we experience extreme highs and lows. Thankfully we have an amazing support system and I was able to rely on friends and family during this time. We both had to put our faith in our heavenly Father and trust in His ultimate plan for us.

The day we found out we would have to do IVF.

If you could give 3 pieces of advice to a couple going through IVF, what would they be?

Be open with your partner. There are SO many people that are going through this process and you are not alone. Let them know your fears, share your emotions, and make sure to make time for one another. You need to be their biggest supporter.
Celebrate every step. There are so many unknowns when going through IVF. Celebrate every positive step with one another because you have to enjoy those moments to combat the lows. It’s okay to get excited as you pass one milestone and get ready for the next.
Don’t compare yourself to others. This was a big one for me. So many of our friends had immediate success starting their families. Be happy for them and celebrate their additions to their families with them. Don’t sit back and ask yourself “how come they are pregnant when they weren’t even trying?”. Every life and situation is unique and you should focus on your journey with your partner and not have jealously of others. You can’t change anything by looking at what others have and desiring the same. Focus on you and your partner and take each step in your journey together.

What was the toughest part of the IVF process for you?

Waiting. I am not the most patient person in the world and IVF forces that upon you. From waiting for answers to waiting for medicines to start working, to counting down the days until transfer, the IVF process is full of just waiting. That was difficult for me because Sydney and I both wanted to go full speed once we knew our plan, but we were forced to wait and let it run its course. Don’t let the waiting kill you and find ways to make it go faster with your partner. I looked forward to lowering the number on our countdown board each day and it made the wait slightly easier.
( If you haven’t been following along since the beginning, start here.)

What was your favorite part about IVF?

This will be an odd answer for some but for me, it was finding beauty in the pain. I learned how strong my wife truly is as we battled dreaded PIO shots. Quickly, I realized how much she is by my side as we bounced from appointment to appointment. I learned that she is 100% with me through “sickness and health” as she never batted an eye once we found out all that was ahead of us. Also, I learned that no amount of pain was going to slow down her desire to be a mother. Baby G is so lucky to have such a strong woman for a mother! It was also amazing to see the outpouring of love from our friends and family.

Did you feel supported during the process? By your doctors, friends, your wife, etc?

I touched on this above but the support was truly amazing. Friends from work, church, and lifelong friends created a support system for us where we could just talk and be open about our struggles. From financial help to daily texts, I always felt supported by those closest to us. Our doctors were amazing (although some didn’t appreciate my attempts at humor) and they made sure to answer any questions we had. My wife was my ultimate support as we grew closer to one another each day.

What was it like to learn it had worked on the first try?

There really aren’t enough words to explain the feeling of when we learned it worked on the first try. I was overwhelmed with emotion and just wept in Sydney’s arms when she told me the good news. It was one of the most special moments of my entire life.

I am a very optimistic person about things and try to find the best in each situation, but we knew the percentages weren’t the greatest of it working on the first try (or at all). I’ll never in my life forget the experience of realizing our prayers had been answered, and on the first try at that! I am so thankful that it worked but I in my mind I had already prepared for the conversation with Sydney and how to attack our second attempt if it had not worked. I am so thankful we were able to skip that conversation!

What are you most excited about becoming a father?

I am so excited to have someone that I can pour into and watch grow their entire life. I’m excited to discover the world and explore their interests. I am excited to have a mini-me or mini-Sydney that we will get to teach about God and life. I’m excited to teach and coach them throughout all they do. I am also excited to learn how to be a dad and all that is in store that I have no idea about!

Do you think it is a boy or a girl?

This changes every single day but, at this moment, I think it is a girl. I have nothing to base this on but that is my gut feeling. #Girldad?

What are you most nervous about?

This is a tough one to pinpoint. I guess I am just the most nervous about having a healthy and happy baby and wife. We have put so much into this and I just want everything to go smoothly for both Sydney and Baby G. I am also selfishly nervous that it will be allergic to peanuts (I cannot explain in writing how much I love peanuts/peanut butter)!

What have been your favorite daddy-to-be resources?

Sydney bought me a book titled We’re Pregnant! The First Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook. It has been a great resource so far. It’s only a couple of pages of reading each week but it is filled with info on our growing baby as well as ways I can help make things easier for Sydney. It is written by a man, for men, so it is very relatable and easy to read. I like it so much that I actually bought it for a co-worker who just found out he and his wife are expecting their first child as well.

From your perspective, describe this pregnancy so far.

I don’t know if “easy” is a good way to describe it but thankfully I don’t think it has been too difficult so far. Although she has been fatigued, Sydney hasn’t experienced much sickness/nausea at all. She is still working out a lot and is active each day. We have knocked out a lot in our nursery (thanks to some amazing in-laws!) and I feel as ready as we can be at this point.

What are 2 core values you want to bring into your parenting?

God/Faith. We have grown closer to God throughout this entire process and He has provided for us each step of the way. Each time I have thought that it will be impossible He answers our prayers in a way we never could have imagined coming. I want our children to know they are loved by God and seek Him daily. I want us to model what it means to be a Christian and show Christ’s love daily to our child.
Respect/Love. I want our children to know how much we love them and how amazing unique they are. Also, I want them to be comfortable with who they are and respect others for who they are. I want them to embrace people that are different from them and love others. I want them to respect their parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and anyone they encounter.
Bonus Value! Clemson is God’s Country and everyone looks good in orange!

The first thing that comes to mind when you think about becoming a dad?

My weird brain first thought about Nerf gun wars. The second thing that came to mind is just having someone to watch grow each day and to share life with. I can’t wait to hold our little one and have an amazing child to come home to each day!

What’s it like going through IVF + pregnancy during a pandemic?

For me, it was kind of nice to be in quarantine when going to our clinic. I was able to go to all the appointments and it was nice to be home with Sydney each day. I felt we really grew closer to one another during this time and she was able to get plenty of rest each day since everything around us was closed. Now that we are at her regular OB it sucks. I hate that I can’t join her at her appointments and have to FaceTime in just to see an ultrasound. I hope this ends soon so I can continue being right by her side each step of the way.

Anything else you’d like to add?

I would just like to use this space to thank everyone who helped along the way. From financial help to texts to time off from work to unknown prayers, I am truly thankful for the amazing support system that surrounded us. Once everyone found out this was our journey no one hesitated to help along the way. Thank you for being such amazing friends and family!

I hope this interview answered some of the questions you had for Josh! He has been the best support through all of this and I love celebrating him whenever I can! How wonderful to hear all about this journey from his perspective. If you have any additional questions for him, just leave them in the comments below! Thanks for reading and see you next time! <3